Stress

There is so much going on right now, I worry about the stress on Baby Stup. Some things I can't talk about others I won't shut-up about.
My school program is tiny and we barely have enough students to hold classes. On top of that, we are the first round of students going through the program and therefore are the test subjects. Lets just say things aren't running smoothly with some aspects. I had methods to take this fall which are incredibly intense with tons of classroom work. It's the semester before student teaching and are required to do so many hours in the classroom. Because of reasons beyond most people's control, we are unable to get into a school to do this observation and therefore cannot take the methods courses. Well, its up in the air at this point but isn't looking likely. Even though its in my best interest to take these courses this fall before the baby arrives, I'm secretly hoping all plans fall through. I'm so burnt out with school and I want to go into methods classes with a clear head and a motivation to work. I barely have motivation to get up off the couch let alone write lesson plans, read tons of books, and write papers. Who knows if we will be here to finish the program next year when they get the observation problems worked out...or if they do. Which leads me to my next stressful topic.
We've been gearing up to leave Okinawa for some time and my school was really the only thing keeping up here. Dono talked about going to Afghanistan for a year and me finish my schooling in the states, probably Maryland. With an unexpected baby on the way, those plans fell through. Who knows where we will end up and what we will be doing but it looks like change is on the horizon at some point soon(-ish).
On top of huge decisions like those mentioned, there is obviously expected stress of baby on the way. I know we will be good parents but do worry about lack of sleep, and 24 hours a day mommying, and gaining too much weight during pregnancy, and all those things that keep pregnant moms awake at night.
We have three weeks (roughly) until we find out their gender. This fills my brain and makes time crawl by! I just wanna know! Of course now that we might be leaving sooner than later, we should be saving more than spending when all I wanna do is shop for the nursery. I have been really good at being frugal when it comes to baby supplies. The only thing I have bought brand-new is the crib and it's a convertible crib which should hopefully last us quite a few years.
And on a completely different note: I find it sad that none of my family or friends back in the states are going to know me pregnant. But on the other hand if we do stay until the baby is born, how cool is it to say that you were born in Japan?!
Alright, I think its nap time before math class. Hope all is well wherever you are.

Had my 16 week checkup today. Seemed quite pointless except for the 2 seconds of hearing the heartbeat which made me feel better. (I had a good friend lose her baby and she found out at this appt) The doctor turned out to be a guy that I helped a lot when I worked at the dive shop here in town years ago. I never liked the dude because I thought he was annoying and honestly kinda creepy and I find out I might have to deal with him for one of the most painful days of my life?! I'm praying I get another doctor on the day of delivery. I really wish I had some say in who will deliver me. Though in reality, I still am not fully decided that I am having this baby at this hospital. My biggest fear is being induced when it is not medically necessary and this hospital is HUGE about doing that. I just feel like they would ignore my birth plan and do what they feel like. There are a few biggies that are really important to me for my delivery day.

Today's appt was supposed to be when I got some screenings done for abnormalities but that didn't even happen. Apparently, I have do that Monday-Thursday mornings, so why where they not scheduled together? Who knows. So now I have to go in early next week to get some blood drawn. When I had my first meeting with the OB department (like a welcome class, really) they took a TON of blood. Someone dropped the ball and didn't get my blood type the first go round so now that's on the list along with the quad screening test and something else for abnormality testing (horrible memory for what doctors tell me) Really, both Dono and I were stumped as to the point. He asked if anything was going on or if I had any questions (Doc, I don't need you, I have Google and I would go in the ER if I had any serious problems), listened to the heartbeat (150bpm), and then that was it. At least it was fast and I have some reassurance that Baby Stup is still healthy and happy inside he/she's little home.

Apparently this week my baby is about 4 to 5 inches from head to rump and weighs about 3 1/2 oz. Getting bigger! :)

I feel like I am stuck in the 1st trimester indefinitely. Still throwing up semi-regularly and sometimes I have a hard time finding a pattern as to why. (though thankfully no nausea) I think maybe laying down too soon after eating? My boobs still are painfully annoying. My nipples are so sensitive! And as they grow bigger, I graze them a lot easier and a lot more often. (on top of being sensitive, they've already starting leaking in tiny amounts) I also think my emotions are stronger now than during the first trimester. I'm probably just having a bad week, but I feel ready to cry at the drop off a hat. And to top it all off, I'M EXHAUSTED! Way more tired than the first trimester. Am I destined to stay in this state for the rest of the pregnancy? Only time will tell.

Up at 5:30 with hunger pains so now I am wide awake for the moment.
Now that I am in my second trimester, I am starting to take pictures. I had plans to take pics every week but never ended up doing that. Maybe start that soon? I stole the idea about holding up an item each time I take a photo to show the size of the baby and I think its a good way for me to know just how far along I really am.
A few myths I expected before getting pregnant:
1) Morning sickness and throwing up are directly cause and effect of each other. FALSE I thought once the morning sickness was gone, the throwing up would also leave. That has definitely not been the case. Though I assumed they were at first, they were actually not related from the beginning. I throw up not because of nausea but because of eating the wrong thing and my stomach feels like revolting. You are probably thinking I am completely weird but I promise you I know the difference and they are definitely not related. Some things I know not to drink or eat at all. No matter what, If I consume a glass of straight milk, within 5 min I will be hugging the toilet. However, chocolate milk is okay and milk shakes seem to be okay. (I swear this is not me making sweets okay, I actually don't like ice cream all that much and rarely drink chocolate milk. Give me salty carbs over sweets any day) Some things, on the other hand, can randomly cause puking whereas other times they are alright. Last night, I enjoyed the stereotypical pickle and about 20 min later, my stomach decided against it. I've had pickles in the past with no adverse effects but, apparently, yesterday was different. I now avoid straight milk, raw tomato (in larger doses), my favorite side from my favorite Mexican restaurant in town, and certain fresh fruits such as watermelon. All very disappointing since they are closer to the top of my favorites. :(

2)My boobs would hurt for the first couple of months and then that would be all. FALSE again. (sorry in advance for the TMI) Now granted, When I found out I was pregnant, I was one year post op from a breast augmentation so this all may not be normal for other folks who were naturally blessed or just love their natural smallness. From the beginning I can't say that my boobs themselves hurt. I still don't have 100% feeling in them anyway (bottom half around incisions) but they weren't that sore. My nipples on the other hand have hurt since day one and continue to as I go into week 16. I find showers uncomfortable and clothing can cause pain. It's really quite annoying and I wish that was over when I said goodbye to the first trimester.

3) That as soon as I hit the second trimester, I would have a ton of energy. FALSE yet again. I would kill for some energy. I can barely get my school work done and get to school on time let alone cleaning the house and hanging out with friends. I plan my days around my daily nap. I would love to have the energy to pull out my jewelry supplies and actually make something or my sewing machine and finish projects I have lined up. I feel like I am barely keeping myself afloat with no chance of making it to dry land. To have time and energy would be amazing but not in my cards right now. This is a blog all in itself: Finding the fine line between laziness and overdoing it. I know not.

Just a few, I'm sure I will think of some more as soon as I publish post and move on with my morning. Hope everyone had a wonderful 4th of July. Ours was very uneventful. We spent almost the entire day shut up in the bedroom watching TV since the A/C actually works in there. Yesterday was unbearably hot. Hopefully today, the repairman will finish working on the A/C and I can actually clean in the living room/kitchen without losing 10 pounds of sweat. High aspirations. :)

Adventures in the First Trimester

Things were a bit rocky in the beginning. I was unable to get pregnant for years because of my progesterone levels and was nervous about losing this pregnancy for the same reason. After vacation, Donovan and I immediately made an appt at the hospital on base to see if we could get my hormone levels checked. It was a very disheartening appt with the doctor telling us he won't even look at my levels and wouldn't do anything about it even if he did care to look. He said I should be happy I was pregnant and I would have to go through a few miscarriages before he would consider hormone therapy. I left the hospital in tears. I was convinced my body would reject this pregnancy and I would lose all the hope I had acquired. I was already set on going out in town for doctor appts but thought I would give the hospital one more try. We made an appt with the OB department. Again, I was convinced they wouldn't see us there because everyone else at Dono's work had been sent to another clinic 45 min away. Somehow, we got lucky and at my 8 week mark, we finally saw a doctor.
This appt went ten times better than the first. She still wouldn't do anything about my hormone levels but I had given up that fight. I was still convinced that I had lost the baby so had a nice surprise when the baby showed up on the screen and I heard the heartbeat. Dono and I held hands as we watched our little Stup on the screen. Our doctor confirmed the development with head size. I couldn't believe I was finally blessed with this experience. Still in the back of my mind, I waited for the shoe to drop but was determined to enjoy every moment along the way. I was so proud of our picture and how well it turned out.
Before heading to this appt I talked to my sister, Mallory. I commented how I never could tell what was going on in other people's ultrasounds. Always looked like a blob to me. We joked that we would definitely be able to tell when it was our own baby. At the appt, I needed no explanation as I could clearly see my child right in front of my eyes. Is it because I am biased or did I just get insanely lucky for my first picture?
Around this time, I had a three week break from school. Since I had nothing else to do, and really desired little else, I spent my days reading online websites, books, articles, and did a LOT of window shopping online. Time CRAWLED by. Those three weeks were some of the slowest of my life. Before I ended my first trimester I had already read all the books I acquired and was turning to repeats online.
Morning sickness, or in my case evening sickness, was short lived with no complaints from me. Starting at 9 weeks and ending around 11 or 12, I spent my evenings keeping my belly full as to not feel sick. I threw up a couple of times, mostly involving milk, but chalked it up to the nausea and didn't think much of it. (Later I found out it wasn't the morning sickness by my stomach's aversion to certain foods).
Before pregnancy, I had envisioned a war at home. With my hormones raging, I pictured PMS week but magnified 100 times. (PMS week is no joke in this household). Along with raging hormones, I pictured me sick all the time, only able to keep crackers and gingerale down. Of course, at least in my case, don't always believe what you read or see on TV. While my hormones were a bit crazy at times, Dono was incredibly patient (unlike PMS week) and loving throughout and did a good job not letting my craziness upset him. On top of that, my nausea was nothing I couldn't control. I learned early on to eat small meals every couple of hours and tried very hard to stick to that. This was not easy since before pregnancy I wouldn't eat my first meal until late afternoon and might eat one more before bed. It was challenging to come up with something to eat every two hours that was healthy but sounded good.
All in all, the first trimester was a breeze considering. Especially after I got over the feeling that it would all be taken away from me shortly. I was just ready to start showing a bit so I didn't have to be the crazy girl shouting "GUESS WHAT?! I'M PREGNANT!!" I wanted people to approach me. Little did I know, or still fully grasp even today. that as soon as that does start happening, I am going to wish I never had that desire.
I never imagined how much this pregnancy would fill my brain. I have no desire to do anything except talk about, read about, shop for, blah blah blah. I know my friends get sick of hearing about it so I just keep a running conversation in my brain, by myself. Who's crazy now? We will just say its the hormones and move on.

Adventures in Baby Making

Donovan and I have been married for almost eight rocky but wonderful years. Most people say the first year was the hardest part of being married, I always say it was the first 4 years. I guess we were just a little slower than most. Not the only thing we were slow at either. Three or four years ago, I had friends getting pregnant all around me. Up until this point, I hadn't thought about having a baby yet but starting to really get baby fever. Donovan was unsure on the whole thing but being the wonderful husband that he is, decided to go along with my wishes. We tried and tried and tried. We spent a full year plotting my ovulation schedule, laying on the bed with my legs up in the air, and having sex for the sheer point of baby making and nothing else. It was a hard year and I finally had had enough. Plus, I wasn't sure I was really wanting to give up my adult freedoms for some needy child. We stopped actively trying but didn't go out of our way to not have a baby. If it happened, great. If it didn't, great.
I finally completely gave up on the idea when the education program came to Okinawa. I finally had a chance to pursue the one degree I've always wanted and it would be so much easier without a kid in the picture. We decided that after I got my degree we would look into the hormonal issues I found out I had and start trying again. I threw myself into the stressful but enjoyable education program and stayed right on track. Fall of 2010 I would be taking methods courses and spring of 2011 I would be student teaching. I still had quite a few general education courses I needed and was trying to work out when that would fit in.
Spring of 2010 was a stressful time. On top of my full load at college, I had decided to be completely loco and plan my 10 year high school reunion from Japan. I was already heading back to Atlanta in April for a friend's wedding and felt it was the perfect time to plan this as well. Unfortunately, the trip landed right in the middle of an eight week term of college.
My period was due the day I was flying home by myself and I was really dreading dealing with Aunt Flo while flying for 24 hours. Thankfully, she held off and I made it home. I stayed very busy while home but always in the back of my mind was how Aunt Flo was late. I had been late before and it was always stress pushing it back so I didn't think much of it until about 9 or 10 days late. I had never been that late so I started to wonder. However, my mind would not fully believe it and I kept putting off taking the test because I knew I was not pregnant and it would be another disappointment.
Right before heading home, my mom, sisters and I headed up to Chattanooga for three days on a girls trip. We had an amazing time but by that time I was 10-12 days late and was wondering what was up. The first clue that I might be pregnant was waking up multiple times a night to pee. I might wake up once a night but never multiple times. On top of that, my sense of smell seemed to be heightened. I remember sitting next to my sister drinking her cup of tea and thinking about how bad it smelled. I wanted to get up and move but didn't want to hurt her feelings so I sat there desperately trying to ignore it.
Throughout all of this, I was still cramping with no relief in sight. Which only added to the devil sitting on my shoulder saying it wasn't happening. I was fed up at this point and decided when we got back to Atlanta I was going to buy a pregnancy test. I knew it would be false so I kept it quiet and decided to do it later in the day when I could get away on my own to buy it. My mom and I ran around to a few stores to return a few items since it was the last day I was in town. On the way out of TJMaxx, I looked down and saw a small playing card with the number three on it. Silly as it was, it gave me hope that this was really it and my family would soon grow to three. I stuck it in my wallet and rode out the rest of the day waiting until I could get away.
I was never able to so finally headed to CVS with my mom. Thankfully my father called her and she was distracted as I bought my supplies and we headed home. I went upstairs to take a "nap" and proceed to start the test. I knew it would take 3 minutes so I set it on a counter and sat down to read the pamphlet. As soon as I started reading, I saw that it is possible to show up early so I stood up to check on it.
Sure enough, POSITIVE was written across the screen not a minute into the test and my heart stopped. This wasn't real. I was utterly speechless as I stood staring at the small digital screen. A new chapter of my life was finally starting. I kept thinking that I would soon wake up and it would have all been a pipe dream. As I mentioned earlier, I took this trip alone and Donovan was on the other side of the world asleep for a few more hours. I wanted to tell him first and foremost but couldn't keep it in that long so I shockingly called my mom and held up the stick. We both immediately starting crying and I was glad I happened to be around my mother to enjoy this moment.
I tried to distract myself for the next couple of hours but was having a hard time, obviously. I finally gave in and called him to wake him up. Once I told him the news, we sat in silence for a moment as we both let it sink in. It wasn't just the two of us any longer. We had a third more important human to think about. Put in the past were our selfish ways. A new BOOK was being written in the story of our lives and could we face up to what was in the future? Time would only tell.

Next Up: The First Trimester