Fiona is five and a half now. Where has the time gone?! She was our surprise baby while living in Japan. When she was two, we packed our house up for our next adventure to Germany. We've spent the last three years here enjoying Europe to the fullest extent. Our time has come to say goodbye to thirteen amazing years of experiencing other cultures and go experience American culture. This is HUGE and scary and kind of exciting and REALLY SCARY. Seems silly to say moving back to our home country is scary.
We've lived in these military bubbles overseas for most of my adult life. I don't see American news unless someone posts it on Facebook. I don't see German news because after moving to the third country I gave up trying to learn the local language when everyone speaks English around American bases. We lived in this tiny bubble of close friends and a base close by. The news I do see online is about CPS being called because a child is playing outside without adult supervision. What?! Since when did we have to hover over our children every waking moment? Fiona is attached to my hip enough being an only child so when she wants to go outside by herself and explore and pretend play, I welcome it! Here in Germany that is no problem. Unless you have Americans living around you. Which we don't.
The media I do see has made me scared to move back. And I know the logical side of my brain says this is silly. Crimes to children aren't up even though people love to say "What has happened with the world?" "It's not like it used to be." But as a mom, my fear has shot through the roof so it's sometimes hard to turn that off. And the media loves to play into that and drive that fear. Let's get on a child kidnapping bandwagon for a while, pedophiles, or shootings at schools. Lets talk about it until we are blue in the face and that makes it seem like these are new things to be fearful of. But it isn't. It's the media selling you more ads. Keep watching to see what happens and then make sure and buy the shampoo we are selling between heart-wrenching stories. Don't get me wrong, I am not saying these things don't happen but the chances of it happening to a select person (read: my daughter) are so slim.
What has changed it seems is us looking out for one another. America is such an individualistic society, we only care about what Facebook tells us to care about and then the extent of our caring is sending prayers. That's great and all but that doesn't help solve real problems that need real solutions. We need to get back to looking out for the neighborhood kids instead of calling the cops on parents. Parenting is freakin hard work! The media wants to tell us how to parent, Facebook friends want to tell us how to parent, Pinterest and blogs have their ideas. And we talk about it and judge others until we've repeated the same things over and over and over again and yet the judgement is still there and the only looking out for ourselves is still front and center. This is why I am scared to be back to the states. I don't want to judge others for being helicopter parents or planning activities and events and play-dates all day every day. But that is not how I want to parent and I don't want judgement for that.
Since Fiona was born, independence has always been my driving force. Doing things, even if they are hard at the time, that create long term results are what I am after. And what is more important than raising independent kids who can make it in this world? That means putting aside my fears and letting her take risks and explore the world around her. If America is going to tell me I have to be right by her side at all times, that's not going to get accomplished. She needs to be able to play independently and figure out that climbing that branch was not the smartest decision. If I am always there to say no, she will never figure out her boundaries.
Fiona starts kindergarten in three months. In the last year I've noticed a lot of early signs of ADD being present. Only having one child, it's sometimes hard to know what is normal preschool behavior, what is caused by our lack of stellar parenting, and what is just who she is as a person. But the signs are there. I've worked in PSCD classrooms in which Fiona already attends for speech and social skills (early, early signs of ADD such as completing a task, cleaning up after being done, and transitioning nicely). I've gotten my Elementary Education degree (which by no means makes me an expert but I have a basic working knowledge). My husband and I also both struggle with ADD so it was destined for there to be signs of that in her. Having said all that, she is starting kindergarten soon and I am so scared for American schooling for her. I want to do everything in my power to keep her off of medications until we've exhausted every other method. I have my degree and I have worked in schools. I know how easy it is for teachers who have 20 students to quickly suggest medications to make their job easier. America LOVES medication for everything.
I am also afraid of her falling between the cracks. She's not hyperactive most of the time (only when extremely tired). However, she has a hard time following directions and staying on task and staying focused. I am afraid for her to easily fall behind even though she is incredibly smart. And homework. Why does she need homework?! At five years old, she still takes a two hour nap most days. She's exhausted. So to spend all day at school working her brain and cutting out naps, why does she need to come home and do more?! I know that every teacher is different. Some don't assign homework, some assign too much. Here in Germany, I was working in the school where she was going to the PSCD program and we had hand picked her teacher for kindergarten. I knew what to expect and I knew that teacher was going to help her be the best kindergartner she could be. We are barely moving into the area before she starts school. We will all go in blindly, crossing our fingers hoping for the best and preparing for the worst. That scares the daylights out of me.
This whole transition is not going to be easy. But we will get through it. I know it. We've moved to drastically different countries, calling it a new adventure each time. This is the newest adventure and we will all thrive, we just might have a few speed bumps along the way. I just hope CPS isn't knocking on my door at any point.
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